How to be a diva

Listen up, pups - it's never too late to 'get your diva on'. Just follow my 3-step plan, and you're on your way!

Step 1: Only communicate with your tail. Any ameteur can bark or whine. It takes an incredible amout of self-discipline to go with the tail and it's the only way to really work the aloof vibe.

Step 2: Jump up and stretch out on the staff's bed, sofa, chairs...whatever you can get your paws on. It establishes you as the dominant force in the house and makes it clear who is 'queen'.

Step 3: Shed at least one vacuum bag full of fur every other day. This is critical. It reminds the staff who is really in charge. Brilliant!